Time to face the fat.

That's no typo, I did mean to write Fat. I've known I've been gaining weight for awhile, but I've also been "denying" it. Yes, the jeans have gotten a bit tighter, yes, I don't like the way any of my shirts look on me, yes, I've been sulking about it for quite awhile. But I also haven't changed it. 

That is, until a few weeks ago. I saw the number on the scale that I said I would never get to unless there was a growing human in my uterus. Seeing that number was my wake-up call. The thing is, as much as I've been "ignoring," it, I also know exactly what has lead to it. 

The fact that we eat out every day of the weekend. The fact that everything we do make at home is nothing but pasta dishes. Our eating times have gotten later at night. My activity level has completely gone down hill. 

And honestly? I'm embarrassed.

I'm embarrassed I can't walk up the stairs in our apartment without getting winded. That I can't chase around Chunk and dem Kittens without feeling like I ran a mile. That 5 minutes of Jillian legit kicks my butt. And the fact that I have gained 20 pounds since I met Mr., 3 years ago. 20 pounds people. That's ridiculous. But bless Mr.'s heart, he claims he's "barely" noticed. I call bull, but it's sweet to think that. 

In all reality, I'm a tiny girl. I'm just 5 feet tall. I should look like Snooki according to my doctors. The weight I'm carrying on my body has to be hurting me in the long run. For years my doctor's have said, 'Oh, you need to be in this range,' and I always ignored them. To start with, I was a very active kid. I was a huge soccer player, as well as a gymnast. And while I've gained this weight, my thighs are still pure muscle. My legs are pure muscle, and I have to say they are my favorite part of my body. However, it's my torso that's the issue. I can literally fit my index finger between the end of my rib cage and the start of my hip bone. Any weight on my body goes straight to the gut and out, it has nowhere else to go. Even my butt is flat! I constantly got teased for my "flat butt" in high school and college, and it's still flat as can be. I mean...really? I'd gladly take a few pounds there... 

So, we're making some changes in our household. Specifically in the food department.

I've tried Yeast Free. I've tried Paleo. I've tried just chicken and veggies. And I get bored. I don't like feeling "deprived," of things that I'm craving or that I want. So, we're going to try calorie counting, eating "fresh" food, and smaller portions. I don't need to eat as big as portion as E, I don't need to wolf down my food as fast as he does. When they say men's metabolism is way different then women's, they ain't jokin! 

And for the working out part? Well, obviously we'll start slow. I have an appointment at the gym today to look at membership options and get this work-out train started. When E says, "let's go for a walk," after dinner, I will take him up on it instead of making up every excuse in the book. Those dishes can wait in the sink for an hour or two, they aren't going anywhere.

I want to feel cute in my clothes again. I want this double chin to disappear, and to see my collarbone again. But most of all, I want to be in shape so that when we decide to have kids I don't have to worry about losing so much weight afterwards. Plus there's that little rumor that if you're in shape giving birth is easier. Not that I believe that a million percent, but I'm pretty sure if my endurance is up, I won't feel like I'm dying...right? 

In all reality, I know I can do it. There really isn't a reason why I can't. As of now, I'm not working full time. Instead of cleaning or rearranging furniture or shopping for things we don't need, I can go work out. We don't need 5 course meals every night, or an appetizer when we do go out to eat. Thankfully I have all the support in the world from my husband, and that's a great place to start.