Those of you who follow me on twitter have seen some sad tweets this week. Hubby & I have been going through a "growth" if you call it, in our newlywed life this week and it's made things a bit more complicated for me. We still aren't 100% sure we're heading to a different part of the state, but it's 98.9999% sure. The only thing that is basically stopping this move is if the head of the company says no, but it's not sounding like it. So, that means starting in January, Husband will be moving to this new location, and will be home on just the weekends. We're still trying to figure out what we're going to do with the lease, which means I will either be house hunting and following him within a month or so, or I will be staying here until our lease ends in April. Which again, throws another wrench in the whole finding a job thing. I need a job. For my sanity. But at this point, if I'm going to have to quit in 2 months.... I'm going to have a hard time going into the job. I've been on the HR end before, and I've been a co-worker with a circle of new people coming in. It's tough to find someone for longevity. And when you spend all that time interviewing, figuring out pay, any training needed... Gosh, it's so hard. Right now I feel like my brain is playing angel/devil between feeling bad and needing to get some moolah coming in.
E couldn't be more supportive. As much as he wants me to get a job, and as much as we know I need a job, he doesn't want me to take something just for the sake of taking something. He knows what's up. Happy wife, happy life ;) Juuuust kidding... kinda.
But then this makes me over-analyze everything. This teaching thing, isn't working out. And while I thought and knew with every fiber in my body it was what I want to do... I'm starting to think it isn't in God's plans. There's been so many obstacles that I'm starting to feel like maybe it isn't the path I'm suppose to take in life. But then that leaves me lost. When you've known forever you wanted to do something, and it doesn't work in your favor... now what? I don't know the next road to take. I don't even know the next step to take. There isn't anything that sounds "appealing" to me. And while part of that is I think still a mental block that I'm suppose to be a teacher.. but it's hard to get over that hump.
I'm optimistic. I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, and I know as soon as we get the okay to move and figure everything out, things will fall into place. I know this is difficult for me because I'm such an obsessive planner, and this goes against everything I've ever known or done. But it's just a hump. I will get over it, and I will find something that makes me happy.
Wow. I am a certified K-6 teacher and have been feeling the SAME way lately. You are not alone. It's what I always wanted to do and now my heart isn't always in it.
ReplyDeleteI pray everything works out for you :)