Friendship

I've been wanting to write this blog post for months. In fact, it's been sitting in my "posts" list since September. So far back, that it took me quite a bit of scrolling to find this draft. While I'm not sure it will be the most eloquent post, it comes from the heart, and the gut. Sometimes I use the term "friendship," loosely, as in they used to be friends until said issue happened.

To me, friendships are a two way street. And it's taken learning the hard way for me to understand that. After years of wanting "answers", "closure," anything to know what happened, I can take blame for what I've done. But I'm also strong enough to know that most of the faded friendships were not my fault. Some of these friendships fell apart with fights, others from jealousy, others from distance. I've had friendships fall apart for the better, fall apart and get back together, and friendships that withstood years of not talking and picking up right where we left off. I've found out that those friendships are the lasting ones.

It wasn't until college that I started "finding out who your friends are." You know, the friends who you'll drink all night with, but it's not until you really need something or just want to hang out, that they want nothing to do with you. But oh, add in alcohol and wooohoo! You're besties again. Those are the friendships I don't miss, at all.

Then you have the friendships where it seems your competing to "keep up with the Jones." Whether it's a new purse, a new wardrobe every time a trip to the mall is taken, vehicles, anything money related. And those are the exhausting friendships. The ones where you don't feel good enough. But you should! There is nothing wrong with you. Friendships should not be about competing over who has the most expensive handbag, who has the best relationship, who can get married/have babies first. Friendships are about supporting each other, not "keeping up" with each other. Most of the time, when you take the competition factor out of it, you may realize you don't even like the person. Or the person you become around them.

There's the friendships you have that end with interference from others. When "friends" spread rumors, lies, & vicious gossip just to make the rift that much stronger. That says things to make them feel better, or the "mob mentality" to go all psychology on you. They feel encouraged, whether by people that already don't like you, or by their friend alcohol. And the lies are so outrageous that it questions every bit of that friendship.

 But you know what the bright side to those ugly friendship breakups are? When you have a friend who doesn't believe the lies & rumors the former friend is spreading & comes out of light to tell you they believe you. That they trust in your relationship so much, that nothing can tear it apart. And your friendship with them only grows stronger.

Then you have the friendships that end unexpectedly. The ones that leave you yearning for closure, wanting to know 'why,' wanting to know how they are years after the friendship faded away. Ones that you don't know what you did wrong. Ones that you still care about, but need to get over.  Those friendships are the hardest to get over. But with time, your feelings fade, and you don't think ill of the person. And while it may never go back to how it was, maybe someday you'll cross paths again.

The best friendships of all of these? The ones that are non-judgmental. That are there for you no matter what. That your past is in your past. That support you through everything. These are the lasting friendships. All of my lasting friendships are with friends who I may not see on a daily basis, and I am okay with that. I don't need the reassurance of seeing them every weekend, in fact I treasure my time when I do see them! I love making countdowns to seeing them again. I love planning girl's weekends away. I love being able to catch up on the important things that have been going on in the month or so since we've seen each other. Even more, I love that I can text them ridiculous things I see at Walmart. Or call them when I need to vent about newlywed stuff. These friendships rock my socks off. Whether we live 30 minutes away, or 3 states away, I know these girls will always have my back. And while some of them may be re-kindled high school friendships after college, or re-kindled after years at college, they mean more to me then any of the above scenarios. When someone talks to me about friendship, those are the friendships I will think about. I won't dwell on the "lost friendships," or the toxicity of the friendships I mentioned above. I will talk about my Vegas girls, who we can go a full year without seeing each other, but we pick up right where we left off. Or my best friends from middle school, who any weekend with them is a weekend where we're 16 & giggling all over again. Where I can call/text old work friends who may live states away, but I know they will always make me smile. And while there may only be a handful of them, man, they mean more then having a million friends could.