My heart breaks

I normally don't do two posts a day, but today I can't help it. As a teacher of this age group, this hits home from 1000 miles away, and there are so many things I need to get off my chest.

When a tragedy like this happens, I think the first question is always, "Why?" "Why did this have to happen?" "HOW?" "How did this happen again." 

There was a statistic going around the twitterverse that they showed on CNN.
" 31 school shootings in US since Columbine, 14 in all other countries combined."

That is disgusting. Heart-wrenching. Disappointing. Terrifying. Uneasy. Sickening.

We live in a world, where we are so thankful for our freedom. Where we are thankful for not living in overseas countries where there are constant bomb sirens going off, constant shootings in massive cities, daily car bombs going off. But at some point, you have to start questioning our freedom. People shouldn't be able to walk into our schools, our malls, our movie theaters, our shopping centers, our churches and let these tragedies occur. For heaven's sakes, while I don't want to get into a "gun control" argument, but this should have been something that stopped with Columbine back in 1999. That's 13 years that this has been going on. 13. Think about that. Everything that has happened since "the end of the world," and how in those 13 years, we've had 31 school shootings. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Some of you know I most recently was a 4 year old teacher at a daycare for the past 2 and a half years. And I'm not going to lie, my least favorite drills and my biggest fear was that this would happen. And these aren't kids who will drop everything and listen to your instructions. This age freaks out. They cry, they want their mommy, they want their daddy, and they have a natural instinct to make themselves feel safe. How amazing these teachers are, for keeping their composure, and for getting the other children to safety. Friends, unless you have been in their shoes, you can not judge that they may or may not have done enough. Trust me, when I say, they did everything that was possible.

To the journalists, you disgust me. And this only shows how happy I am that I have thrown my Journalism degree out the window. How dare you blame the school for this tragedy. How dare you interview these 5, 6, 7, 8 year old children about what they have seen. How dare you pull parents aside to ask them if their child was crying when they picked them up. And parents, volunteering your experience to tell them what has happened disgusts me as well. To the people on twitter & facebook, who are finding the shooter's pages and retweeting/reposting "depressing" things he has posted, you have no soul. That is not news. You are adding to the problem of this society. Of glorifying the shooter. That is all we have done folks. We have watched hours of news footage, of the media telling us he was a "disturbed" man, and showing the disgusting thing he has done. Stop. Please, I am begging you.

When news broke that it was a kindergarten class, I started sobbing, and those tears haven't stopped tonight. It was on every station at the bar for our date night, even telling husband about it made me start crying. As I have worked with that age for the last few years, I can't even tell you how broken my heart is. How the tears have been falling as I wish I could hug my kids from years past. I can't even comprehend if those were my students. My thoughts & prayers are with everyone in that community, everyone who is impacted from near and far, the parents, the siblings, the families, the teachers, everyone.

Friends, something needs to be done about this. Our politics need to be pushed aside. For crying out loud, those of you who are tweeting about how "less of a man," Obama is for shedding tears over this, you have no heart. This affects everybody. Children are innocent. Children should not be scared to go to school for fear of what might happen. What can we do, to make sure this doesn't happen anymore? Money won't heal a family's broken heart. A day of silence/not social networking/wearing a certain color doesn't bring a child back. It shows the utmost respect and support, but it doesn't make a family whole again. There needs to be something bigger done, something that starts at the top so that this can stop happening in our world. I'm scared for my unborn child, that this is something I am going to have to explain to them in years to come. That this has become such a norm in our society, when it shouldn't be. We should not be having these conversations with 4 year olds, 5 year olds, 6 year olds, any children. My prayers are many tonight, my heart is heavy. Bottom line. America needs to do something together.