Confidence

Oh ladies, you know what I'm talking about. That self confidence that makes you glow from the inside out. That brings you out of your shell and makes you feel oh so good about yourself.

Well guess what. Mine had been non-existent for awhile. I know, you'd think that first year of Newlywed bliss would be enough confidence in itself, but unfortunately for me it wasn't. Not saying anything against Mr, because he does an amazing job of making me feel wonderful.

The majority of the sudden lack of confidence came from not working. When I first left my job, I was so consumed with finishing school and wedding planning and moving that it didn't phase me because I always had something to do. But once the wedding was over, and the moving was done... .there was nothing. I didn't know what to do with myself, and the longer it took to find a job or get sub jobs, the more "worthless" I felt. To add to it, Mr was now working 3 hours away and I didn't see him, ever.

No job + new city + knowing nobody = confidence fading away.

I became a hermit. I didn't leave my house unless I absolutely had to, and I started to become anxious about everything. At the lowest point, I had plans to drive south for the day and do some shopping. I made it 15 minutes down the road when I started to freak out that if I wasn't home with Chunk, he would die. Totally irrational, right? But it happened.

And I shared these fears with Mr, and we talked and he made an effort to come home more, and I started to get more jobs. Confidence slowly going up.

But then, I got the smart idea to chop all my hair off.... just for fun. Bad idea. I was so miserable with that haircut, and became overly self conscious of myself. My face was too fat. My eyes were too squinty. My nose was too big. Everything a person could find wrong with themselves, I did. From January to April, we took zero pictures.

I am so proud to say that things have turned around. I have a job, I'm finally okay with my physical appearance, and I am happy. Sure, there are things I'm still anxious about and still don't like thinking about cause they're the "unknown," but having that confidence back has not only done wonders for me, but for my relationship. It's like we're back to when we first started dating, and I can say our relationship is at the best it's ever been. Because I'm finally happy, and that makes all the difference.