I thought it'd be different

It's a fault really. All my life, I have been a planner.

By elementary school, I knew I wanted to be a teacher.

By middle school, I knew exactly what college I wanted to go to.

By high school, I had my future kids names picked out.

By graduation, I had 4 years to get my degree, find me a husband, get married by 25, and have 2 kids with 1 on the way by 30.

Then, life happened.

I went to that same college to be a teacher, and guess what. I wasn't sure that was for me. So I changed my major. And that 4 years of college, quickly turned into 4 and a half.

That finding a husband thing? Well, that was definitely not something that happened. Sure, there were relationships, but none that I knew I would continue once I graduated.

By 25, I was back in school, had just started dating "the one," and the only kid in my life was the cat.


When I met E, we had to plan everything. From the weekends he'd be home on his job, which weekend we'd get to see his parents, which weekend we'd see my family, which weekend we'd spend alone, which weekend I'd come visit him... throw in my school work and some job commitments and that was all our life was. Then we started talking forever-ever and marriage, and E happened to mention we needed to plan a weekend to go look at rings.

Imagine the cartoon tires squealing, because that was the sound that went through my brain. I didn't want to plan that. I didn't want to plan out the ring shopping and the engagement by a certain date and the wedding by a certain date. I wanted it to be natural, spontaneous, and most of all, to be E's plan, not mine. So, away went the planner.


However, once we got engaged, everything went back to being planned. E was still only coming home once a month, which meant things were timed out to the second to make that most of when he was home. Sure, once he got a job back in Wisconsin, it relaxed a bit. Any bride will tell you, that few months up to the wedding are intense. And for some reason, those few months after the wedding are just intense as well.

But it was okay, right? We had a plan. Live in our apartment a year, get a house, have a baby.

Wrong.

Two years later, we're right where we want to be. As much as we'd like to plan out our weekends, it doesn't happen as much anymore. We're able to be more spontaneous and not wonder what else we should be doing. We enjoy the flexibility of choosing to stay home and work in the yard (E), or scrapbook (me). That Erin Condren planner I just needed? It hasn't been filled in since June 5th.

And that baby thing? Well.... it will happen, when it happens. At some point, you have to let go, and let God.